The night I said No to Chocolate

A story about comfort eating..

The other night I opened the fridge and spied my daughter's Dubai pistachio chocolate - apparently a craze right now, who knew, unless you're on Tik Tok.

I'd cooked a delicious sunday roast with local Gache Melee (apple cake) and yogurt for dessert.  It was about an hour later.  
A familiar voice arose.
"I want chocolate."
I ignored it as best I could.  It got louder.  My body drew tense as I felt the familiar pull.  Uncomfortable feelings stirred in me.  The voice became insistent like the voice of an agitated pleading child.  It reached fever pitch as if it was screaming in frustration with my lack of response.
 I didn't want to do this.  I didn't want to go down this rabbit hole.of servicing my emotional needs with food.  An internal dialogue began.  I really didn't want to give in.  I'd been doing so well. But the craving was back.  I wasn't hungry but the gnawing sense was there - the need for comfort through chocolate.

This time was different.  I really didn't want to give in but the sensations careering through my body were unbearable

I held on without reacting.  I thought, the more I could hold on maybe I could thwart it until I realised this was just like those rare but extremely uncomfortable moments when I had to firmly say No to my adolescent daughter.  When I had to set boundaries because I knew she was not making safe healthy decisions..  I held on feeling the resistance.

And slowly the moment came when I made the decision to walk upstairs and begin my bedtime routine.  I never take food upstairs or eat in my bedroom so this was a positive decision.

And then I felt strong again.  I'd overcome it and the feeling was glorious. I had resisted the temptation where so many times I hadn't been able to and was overcome with guilt and shame.

Because I know that this little win and all the other little wins build resilience which means I'm more likely to be able to repeat this action again which means I'm more likely to succeed in taking care of myself and reaching my health outcomes.

Around 40-60% of people struggle with emotional eating.  Is this you?

 If you feel unloved, unworthy or alone you may try to fill the void in this way.  If your early experiences involved chaos, lack of control or abandonment, food and body control can become a way to establish safety or power

When we say no to chocolate or (fill in the blank), it might feel like we're denying more than just a treat - maybe you're denying a part of you that never felt heard or comforted when you needed it most.  Even though you're trying to care for your body, the inner child experiences it as rejection or even punishment.  This is when we need to be our own best parent,  firm yet gentle and loving.  I didn't abandon my small self in that moment, but I made it clear my adult self knew better.

The key is not whether you eat it or not - it's whether you do it from a place of love and connection or from guilt and desperation

One more thing:

Success & Sabotage

 You may find your tendency to binge comes when something goes well, say when you land a big opportunity or a project/event you've been working on goes well. For many people - especially those with a background of trauma, chaos, scarcity or emotional neglect - feeling good can be just as triggering as feeling bad because the nervous system is wired for familiarity and safety.

If what is familiar is being on high alert or feeling like love has to be earned or struggles financially or emotionally, success or ease can feel unnerving.

The work I do in 121 sessions incorporates inner child healing and re-parenting or re-framing past experiences as well as nutritional and lifestyle support.  If any part of this story resonates with you, I'm here to help.

Much love

Sophie xox