When the results aren't showing

I know you want to give up, don't!

I know the results aren't showing up yet and you feel crazy frustrated.  It's been 6 months, maybe a year and still the weight hasn't shifted, your income hasn't grown, your healthy habits haven't stuck or maybe you haven't found the partner of your dreams.  

PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP!

We're in a society where success is sensationalised as an overnight thing.  It's misleading totally misleading.  'Rome wasn't built in a day.'  Really it wasn't and that weight you've accumulated wasn't born in a day nor was your 'feeling a failure' mindset or belief system either.  It accumulated over time when 'bad' things happened and our rational thinking was not yet fully developed.

WE NEED TO GIVE OURSELVES A BREAK.

WE NEED TO STOP THE SELF-VITRIOL and subsequent complaining and victim status that comes with that.

WE NEED TO STOP FULL STOP AND GIVE OURSELVES A DAMN HUG.

You can tell I've been in this dark place right!

LIFE IS HARD.  DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT but it's hard because of our thinking brain - because our thoughts make it so.  It's why I prioritise the mind work over dietary change most often when I begin working with a client.

We've got to start with our thoughts.  We've got to start with stopping and getting curious about the voices inside our head.

Don't try to change them or stop them - you can't.  Instead get curious - what is actually being said inside that head of yours?   Are the voices helpful?  Are they aligned with your true self?  Are they aligned with your desires?  Or are they a barrage of constant criticism, doubt and self-flagellation.  I suspect it's the latter if I count myself and all the people I come into contact with on a daily basis.

Why do you think people can be so nasty to each other?  It's not because they're filled with kind loving thoughts about themselves, their lives or their world. Just the opposite.

So why am I talking about this?  

Because gaining mastery of our mind unblocks the route to our desires and if enlightened as the wise spiritual masters, this can be instant.  Most of us are not vibrating at that level.  We have a bit more application and intentionality needed and perhaps more stuff to clear out of our vibration to reach that point so read on to discover more about this.

For starters, we discount all the little steps we're taking towards our goals because we're listening to our mind, our ego, our shadowself that says we are failing.  We are fixated on the outcome and seeing no sign of it - the weight loss, the new relationship, the dream career so we think the steps we are taking are not working

What if I told you the number of times I hear a client and I do this occasionally too, describe all the areas of their life that are going well except for one and it feels so incredibly unfair.  Do you feel like this?  It doesn't mean you are a lesser being or a hopeless person.  It simply means you've got some stuff in your energy field that's keeping you trapped, some old baggage from the past that's holding you back and recognising this in a self-loving way is a wonderful step on the way to resolving it.

In addition, what if you were to look at all the other areas of your life that are going well and see the troublesome one as a glitch rather than a brick wall, one that can also be overcome with tenacity, self-love and intention.

And also what if the steps we are taking, even the ones we fall down on are part of a bigger picture of cumulative experiences bringing you to a place in time in the future when your wants and wishes come together?

What if discounting the positive steps you are taking whilst maybe not consistent or perfect is actually stopping you from reaching your goal?  ie; you're giving up too soon and letting that critical voice do that to you?

What if that earlier night, that avoidance of late night snacking, that PT class whilst not as regular as you'd like is actually working in a 'behind the scenes' kind of a way.  

Ok so you're not perfect.  You slip up sometimes.  You have a few bars of chocolate or extra glasses of wine.  You miss the PT sessions sometimes.  You stay up late scrolling social media.  Each time this happens you are refining and strengthening your desire ready for the moment when you are fully ready and able to embrace it.  And this is only possible with complete and utter non-judgement and acceptance of yourself.  

The question is are you ready?  Are you ready to give up all those un-truths, those beliefs you have about yourself that's stopping you from moving forward?  You're lazy.  You have no will-power.  You never stick to anything and so on and so on. Because I'm telling you now - you can not and will not move forward ie; achieve your goal, unless you are able to radically accept yourself exactly as you are in this moment and let go of these unworthy thoughts and feelings.  

And then with grace, look at the bigger picture - give yourself a bigger timeline and trust that every time you slip up, it's not a bad thing because it makes your desire stronger and at the right time when you have fully radically accepted yourself, you'll notice gentle little shifts.  Moments of speaking kinder to yourself.  Feeling less annoyed in traffic.  Feeling empathy for another.  Feeling calmer.  Putting yourself first and so on.

Maybe the first few times you completely give up because you listen to that inner critic telling you you're useless.  Maybe it's a few months or a few years before you try again wistfully remembering the time you lived on juice and soup for 6 wks and it felt so good.  If only you could go back to that time.  Oh yes, our mind is a marvellous stick to beat ourselves with. But in reality, your critical mind has sabotaged you again.

If you stop judging yourself, you'll find you'll pick yourself up off the floor and dust yourself off quicker each time when you realise what is actually happening.  You are believing the negative thoughts in your head.  You're hanging onto to what's not going right and more importantly, you're not remembering all the times it has gone right and kept that momentum.

When it doesn't go well..

NOTHING IS WASTED.  NO EXPERIENCE IS EVER WASTED MY LOVE I PROMISE.  

Because each time you get back up and have another go you build resilience and like I said, it may take longer than you think for you to finally realise that the winning takes place inside your mind not externally.  Yes indeed celebrate when the weight comes off or the dream job turns up, of course.  But that's not where the success has occurred.

The success has occurred in that moment when you obtain mastery over your mind.  When you realise you are more than your monkey mind.  When you realise that all the steps you've taken up to this moment are not wasted but part of the momentum that's built to enable you to come to a place of finally letting yourself succeed.  Yes, we actually get in our own way by letting our mind run the show.

Imagine knowing you are in fact a fabulous amazing human being who is in charge of your life, in charge of your wants and wishes if they are in resonance with your inner being.  
 

Success is in the little steps you take every day without any evidence of your goal/desire being achieved but trusting that you are aligned with self doing the best you can with slip-ups no doubt because you're human.

So when you lambast yourself yet again for seeing no signs of weight loss despite making changes trust that you will get there if you have the desire.  You will get there.

And if you need help, of course, please get in touch to build that momentum, to believe in yourself, to let go of fantasies that you are useless, helpless or hopeless. You have one great life.  Live it, not with judgement and self-harassment but with love and kindness and bravery and self-belief.

You can do this but first you must master your monkey mind by recognising your belief systems that hold you back, that keep you small.  They based on the past not on the bright and beautiful future ahead of you.  Believe that to be true with your whole heart.

Let go of the need to see evidence and watch how one day it all comes together.  
You have your vision of how you want to feel, look and who you want to become and you're not attached to the outcome.  You have the right system in place made up of a series of small steps and whether you succeed or fail in any one day you remember Rome wasn't built in a day and so you are self kind, self compassionate and non-judgemental in the process. 

Your mind relaxes, your body relaxes - you experience the emotions of peace and trust and allowing and guess what - yes the weight comes off.  And this is because the results are cumulative.  The result of many practiced and failed and practiced attempts until one day the mind lets go and says perhaps unconsciously, I can do this and maybe it takes 10 days or a whole lifetime but the buck starts with you taking charge of your monkey mind so it becomes your faithful servant whilst your inner being, your source is your true master.

Let's do this!  Let's actually believe this is possible - this dream life we want or dream body or dream partnership or whatever.

Ready?  Get in touch.

Big hug

Sophie xox
 

Excerpt from Elizabeth Gilbert's book Big Magic on our Inner Critic:

“There’s plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but understand this: Creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way. I recognize and respect that you are part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still—your suggestions will never be followed.”

“You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to  have a vote. You’re not allowed to touch the roadmaps; you’re not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you’re not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive.”

 

p.s.  Do read Atomic Habits by James Clear if you want to get great tips for developing a successful system full of tiny little steps to help you reach your goal/s.