Let go completely - the art of deep deep rest in Menopause
To let go and rest fully is a hard thing to do in a world that's taught us nothing is achieved without being constantly on the go. Yet during our menopause transition, we will suffer the consequences of not taking our rest and in particular our retreat from the world seriously.
The problem is during our menopause transition a little rest is not enough. Fairly regularly, we need to retreat completely from the world and be in solitude and this is because we need to process what's being stirred up in us from our depths
This doesn't just happen on the emotional level. Whilst I've had a pretty easy time of the 60 plus symptoms of menopause, there is a day nearly every month when I can feel absolutely dreadful. I can only describe it as a full-blown detox event - exhaustion, sensitive eyes, woozy head.
My nutritional training has taught me that hormonal change stirs up our underlying toxic load both emotional and physical and that's exactly what it feels like. My liver is chucking out toxins. It sends me to bed, I feel quite nauseous and my digestion feels stirred up. I also feel a bit 'viral' with a runny nose and my voice can feel hoarse. I rest completely and feed myself gently with nourishing foods such as bowls of chicken broth, plain jacket potato with a little butter, an apple and maybe a few rice-cakes and maybe an enema such as choline bitartrate, coffee or water to help clear (helps liver). By the end of the next day I feel completely like myself again.
But it's a discombobulating experience. It comes out of the blue and knocks me for one and it's why I'm passionate about rest and retreat, to surrender and listen to that still, small voice so I can honour my body and it's needs.
And its needs are big. The Menopausal phase requires huge wherewithal to transition into the 4th and final life-phase. Just like adolescence, we need to be rich in nutrients such as essential fatty acids and zinc. We need to not be carrying tons of emotional baggage, we need to have healed our inner child or at least be becoming aware of her needs. We need to be really good at filling up our own cup and have strong healthy boundaries. This isn't very likely when we've just come through or are going through building our career and or raising a family!
People-pleasing is a disaster here. It's why you'll find thyroid problems can occur when we reach our late 40s. The thyroid is located in front of the throat chakra which represents communication. Are you struggling to express your needs?
Others do indeed find their voice during menopause. They get great at speaking their mind, at saying 'no.' This is essential as we move into our elder years when we want to maintain healthy energy levels and not feel 'drained.'
Menopause, hormones & Stress
Menopause is a natural process. We stop producing hormones from our ovaries but remember we still produce them in our other endocrine glands namely our adrenals and, in addition, our pituitary gland produces this amazing precursor hormone called DHEA which can be turned into whichever hormone we need.
The problem is if we're stressed we'll produce cortisol instead. Stress comes in all sorts of different guises. It doesn't just come from our never-ending to-do list or from something negative that happens to us. Increasingly, in menopause, our growing sense of unease comes from inside. From unresolved trauma, from time running out, from our yet unfulfilled dreams. It's why it's important to feel supported. It's perhaps why the highest rate of suicide occurs at the average age of menopause which is 52.
Women we need to support each other and we need to communicate our needs clearly to our partners at home
Menopause is described as a rite of passage or initiation in traditional and tribal cultures because it's an invitation to face ourselves and leave behind what doesn't serve us, not just unhealthy habits but unhelpful thoughts and feelings we have about ourself too. It's useful in this way because you surely don't want to bring all that emotional baggage into your latter years but it's very uncomfortable emotionally and physically. It's a very provocative energy. You can feel intense rage you've never felt before. You can lie awake at night full of anxiety even though life might be easier than it was before.
And so this is where I'm still learning about myself, about my past, about my emotional baggage, where I hold stress in my body and how to treat myself gently and kindly whilst introducing the best ways to navigate this time.
This is a profound time of growth. Any hormonal change is an opportunity to see where we are at and how we're doing in terms of truly knowing ourselves and claiming our power and it can be a rude awakening. We are much more stress-sensitive during this time and we've usually established some pretty ingrained coping mechanisms that don't necessarily serve us very well. We are literally hauling our emotional and physical baggage around and the Menopause looks us firmly and squarely in the face and says, often through very challenging symptoms, 'dump that now!' And so we are forced to surrender.
These hormonal transitions are described as a 'rite of passage' in tribal communities and as such, are given the respect they deserve and the person going through them is given the space to process what comes up
Deep rest
But why the headline of this email, Let Go Completely? Well, it's because I've discovered that my need for rest goes way beyond any concept I've had of rest previously. That this need for space during hormonal change is because of the huge internal shift that's going on emotionally and physically and that I'm very very sensitive emotionally and physically right now so retreat really is essential.
I've spoken metaphorically about 'going into the woods' in previous emails and I cannot stress enough the importance of this at this time.
Of course, you can't leave your job or your family literally, well, maybe for a wee bit of time occasionally so all the more reason to have some rituals in place.
Try reframing the concept of rest:
1. Make it intentional. In other words, don't wait until your body forces you to with a migraine episode or exploding at your family. I'm still learning this one!!
2. It's a slow-down on a much bigger scale. It's a whole day of rest not an hour here and there. For eg; what if you took yourself off to your bedroom for a day or half a day, surrounded yourself with a candle, meditation journal, books, perhaps a movie in bed - complete aloneness. I call this filling up your cup. You'll be amazed how good it feels. Perhaps It might even be a whole week where I don't necessarily stay in my bedroom but I change the tempo to include much more down-time just to be, to relax, to breathe, to soften into myself. It's delicious, really it is and so good for you. I usually include some movement such as rotating my hips, yoga postures, stretching out too. I hope I can convince you. Please explain to loved ones what you're doing. Clear considerate communication is very very important here.
3. It is surrender. What I mean is surrender to a higher power, giving up the need to control. Tapping into my feminine - my being state or non-doing. And that Ladies and Gentlemen is THE hardest thing to do in the world in a society where you are credited for how much you get done, where your self-worth is based on how much you achieve not on how you feel but do it anyway please and delegate delegate delegate as much as you can.
4. It is a completely different approach to stress. It is responding to stress by going within, by getting quiet, by non-doing by surrendering the need to control. 'What,' I hear you exclaim. 'You do nothing.' 'That's right,' I do nothing. I sit in meditation and I allow what's troubling me to be felt across my entire body and it's bl**dy uncomfortable sometimes I tell you but that fear is telling you something. As soon as I do it, I realise the world isn't about to fall apart, I just needed to take a moment to connect inwards and receive insights about myself then I can go on with my day feeling grounded and stronger making decisions that support my wellbeing and enable me to be my best with those I come into contact with.
Developing a healthy relationship with food
One of my biggest stressors has been my relationship with food. I was brought up to look after my body with healthy food which was great but certain foods were made out to be the enemy and of course, anything in excess such as sugar is going to have a negative effect but the idea that food is 'good' or 'bad' means the fact you want it means there's something wrong with you and you can develop a very unkind way of talking to yourself losing all sense of balance and in particular self-compassion and self-kindness.
This is something I work on very hard these days. That anything in moderation is fine and to talk kindly to the voice in my head that wants to chastise me everytime I want something sweet. In fact, i suspect a lot of my physical symptoms result not so much from the choices I've made but from the way I respond to my choices unkindly which causes internal stress. I've really stopped doing this and it means I have a much more relaxed and self-loving balanced approach to what I eat. I follow my intuition.
Sounds so simple for some of you may be who don't suffer from food and other addictions but for many of us we've been taught that food, particularly certain types are the enemy. Food isn't the enemy, we are. The sticky bun you ate or the bar of chocolate or the 2 glasses of wine - they're not the enemy. The enemy is the way you beat yourself up mercilessly every time you break one of your food beliefs, for eg; eating sugar will make you ill. And in this unbalanced unloving state, you're much more likely to raid the cupboards at night and pig out on your favourite foods trying to feel better temporarily instead repeating the negative cycle of lack of self-love.
The work we do in session is to unravel this and any other sabotaging behaviour. It's not the behaviour but the beliefs we have about ourselves that we need to look at. The behaviour is just a symptom.
Now remember our beliefs are formed when we are young and don't yet have rational thinking. They stick with us until we become aware of them and choose to change them. Until that time, they wreak havoc and because they cause negative thoughts and feelings, this causes stress and over the long-term stress can cause a physical reaction, in other words, dis-ease. Holistic systems like Traditional Chinese Medicine asserts that 'dis-ease is the sum total of blocked emotion.'
This is why the majority of my work is to unlock the emotional baggage you're carrying and help you rewire your thoughts aka love yourself then the habits of eating healthier or having a mutually loving relationship or whatever it is you desire fall into place much more easily
So what if we focused less on changing our dietary habits and more on our thoughts and feelings allowing ourselves to feel our emotions and self-regulate or self-calm letting our natural instinct guide us to foods and drinks that feel good.
Wouldn't that be amazing? To stop worrying about what you might choose to eat that could be unhealthy and place your entire focus on the wellbeing of your mind and the natural self-care that flows from that. And you know what happens? You choose the chocolate sometimes, maybe even a little everyday, you choose the glass/es of red wine, the creamy pasta dish every so often and the eczema you thought would flare up doesn't or the migraine you thought you'd get doesn't occur or the achy joints or the weight gain or whatever because you are in alignment with yourself, you're tuned in, you're de-stressed, you're self-loving, you're self-kind, you're self-healing.
It's an innovative concept right, when you have diet companies out there making fortunes getting you to place your entire focus on a particular food or supplement or something else which triggers a sense of restriction and ultimate rebellion at some point, creating the yo-yo diet cycle. Yes there are some healthy protocols to adopt but really you want to do the inner work, to be tuned in to yourself so that whatever you're doing; eating, exercising, socialising, meditating, resting, working even..makes you feel good.
Anyway, back to this thing called rest.
2 more things:
you need much more rest than you think whether you're a 20-something or a 50-something old.
Rest can be full-on sleep or simply 'switching off' or 'being' in a feminine state as I like to call it. Something like breath practice, meditation practice, lying on the sofa with a good film...let your imagination consider what deep deep rest could look like for you and do it for longer than you 'think' to do it for.
Finally, it's the Spring Equinox on 20 March which has a huge stirring effect upon us giving rise to acute episodes such as flu and other flare-ups. See if you can tune in and give your body what it needs as we navigate the shift-over into Spring. It's a big leap for the body and can feel quite uncomfortable as our lymph switches direction and our body sloughs off the winter gunk.
Big hug
Sophie xox
p.s. My current book recommendations for Menopause are:
Hagitude by Sharon Blackie
Wise Power by Alexandra Pope & Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer